Making the Move

This... was not expected.

We had agreed, after months of debating whether we wanted to move out of Boston during this exodus, that our plan was to raise our kids in the city. We had the vision: we would continue to enjoy our townhouse in JP for several more years, and then transition into a brownstone in the South End, complete with a roof deck and a little urban garden. We would immerse our family in the culture of our little city and embrace the tradeoff of space for access.

As of July, we were both on board with this plan and confident in the non-traditional approach that we had designed for raising our family. But here we are, less than three months later, mid-move. So what changed? As happens in life, a lot has happened within our family in three months, but the real answer is a simple, albeit unexpected one: a property came on the market that changed everything.

Matt and I have a long-shared dream of restoring a historic property; the quirkier the better. With Matt’s lifelong love of history and my very nerdy real estate obsession, this is probably no surprise to anyone reading this. We dreamed of old hardwood planks and funky layouts. Wood burning stoves. Secret rooms and passageways for our kids to explore. At the end of July (just days after our plan had solidified), a property came back on the market that I had been curious about years prior, and we decided to have a fun pandemic daytrip up to Maine to take a tour of the property and grab some lobster rolls.

A daytrip. That was all.

As it so often does, life had other plans for us. The house itself was designed by the architect John Calvin Stevens, whom I have long admired. Built in 1912, the structure was originally a carriage house, and much of that unique character still exists as it stands today. The entryway is actually an old grain silo, and the bedrooms are the original horse stables. You can still see the mechanism used to spin the carriages from both above and below. We were smitten (ok, obsessed is the more appropriate word) from the moment we laid eyes on her.

When we took the house tour (just for fun!), I was very newly pregnant and very intensely emotional. I immediately felt like it was meant to be. I am not kidding when I say: this place has it all. History. Charm. Significance. Stories. Ocean views. Secret cubbies - some yet to be discovered. A billiards room. A sauna. Proximity to Portland.

And this house is also a project. It will be a labor of love for us for years, possibly decades, to come.

When we had previously daydreamed about restoring an antique home, we imagined it was much further into our future. But we just could not say no to the possibility of raising our family in this dream home. We stood outside the house for a long while that afternoon, minds reeling, heart soaring.

Are we actually considering doing this? Have we completely lost it?

We are still pinching ourselves that this is happening. I am also having moments of terror. This is so different than our plan. This is happening so much faster than we anticipated. We have built a life for ourselves here in Boston that we love. We will miss our friends dearly. We will miss the beautiful neighborhood that has become home and the small businesses here that have become so special to us.

Are we really ready to close a chapter of our lives that has been so full of joyful firsts?

What we have realized through this process, and through many late nights of soul searching, is that the Boston that we have loved so much looks quite different for us now. No more spontaneous date nights. No more swinging over to Fenway for a quick game anytime we choose. No more fancy restaurants or theatre or happy hours without weeks of advanced planning. No more popping down to a neighborhood joint any time after 7 pm. Becoming parents has changed our experience of this city, and while we fully embrace these changes, the things that have kept us here are no longer as relevant for the foreseeable future, especially with #2 on the way.

I keep reminding myself that this is a dream come true, not a sacrifice. But in all honesty, right now it feels like both. I find myself grieving for a future I envisioned so clearly that we have now decided against. I find myself fearful that we are making a rash decision, the wrong one for our family. I find myself wondering whether we are truly prepared to take on the financial realities of a very needy old house while also building a stable foundation for our young family. These are real concerns that haunt me.

I recently heard someone say that “you are always one decision away from a totally different life"

...and this decision carries that type of gravity for me. But at the same time, the fun part has already begun. Our first wave of projects is underway, and we are picking the hardware and the paint colors and the fence posts and the penny tiles. I am designing bathrooms that are as historically accurate to 1912 as we can muster while still being functional in the modern sense. It also helps that my always supportive husband has the utmost confidence in this new direction for our family.

Maine, we are ready for your magic.

Last week, driving back from one of many daytrips that have occurred since that fateful day in July, as we slowly move our lives two states North, we crossed the stunning stretch of bridge that spans Portland Harbor and connects our new neighborhood to the Old Port. The fog was thick on the horizon while the sun glittered off the Presumpscot River. Sailboats and kayaks bobbed beside us as the breeze whipped through our windows. Matt looked over at me in the passenger seat and took my hand.

"I already don't want to leave," he said. "This is home."

Sometimes the best adventures are the ones that we never anticipated. Sometimes the volume of our intuition drowns out the quiet plans we have made. And despite all my worries and fears and overthinking, deep down, I really am thrilled to be returning home to raise our growing family. Sometimes it is just time to make the move. Our seaside carriage house awaits!

If you'd like, you can follow along on Instagram @seaside_carriage_house

-CJK