I literally could not see him. Here’s what I think about it.
I was standing across the parking lot from him yesterday as we were getting Emilia from school when it happened. Only one parent is allowed for pick-up, so I waited by the car. The kids were out playing on the playground, and I glanced over toward their merry squealing. When I looked back toward the front door, I had lost him. Where did Matt go? How did he disappear along the straight shot from the car to the entrance of the building? How had that other dad beat him to the door from out of nowhere?
It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize: that “other dad.” That is him. That is my husband. At first, I laughed, accounting my mistake to the six long months we have spent in each other’s company. Day and night. Work and play. Meals and sleep and everything in between. No breaks. Have I honestly stopped “seeing” my husband?
But then I identified the cause of my error. I saw Matt, but I did not recognize him. I did not recognize him, because he looks like a different man than a year ago. A different man than I met. A different man than I married. The change in his appearance alone is neither a good nor a bad thing in my eyes, but he definitely looks different. He is still as handsome as ever, but he is closer to “teenage-sized Matt” than to "adult-sized Matt," the only Matt I have known for years. He has lost over sixty pounds.
I am glad I saw him this way (or, more appropriately, did not see him) because for months now we have been inundated with comments and compliments about his appearance. This has frustrated me to no end, and not for the reason it would have previously frustrated me (jealousy). I'm not the only one. Matt and I have both been frustrated because Matt and I have both learned so much on the health journey that we’ve been on together for the past year. The comments on his weight loss are completely understandable, as weight loss is the only visible result of the lessons we have learned and habits we have implemented.
It is merely a side effect of something much bigger and more important.
Last summer, as a relatively new parent, I began researching human health as it relates to longevity, and it quickly became somewhat of an obsession. You might have heard, or know intuitively, that certain habits and activities have been linked directly to life expectancy, and many of these links have scientific merit. Obvious ones include smoking, excessive drinking, and sedentary vs. activity level of one’s lifestyle. There are many other fascinatingly unexpected habits that have a direct impact on one’s expected longevity as well, including flossing, gardening, and chronic loneliness.
The number one indicator of life expectancy, however, is no surprise: diet. And the bottom line is both exceptionally simple and yet so uncomfortable for a lot of us to hear. To maximize the length and quality of our lives, we should eat primarily plants. This means we need to minimize animal products (meat, dairy, seafood, eggs) in our diet if we truly are seeking optimal health and the longest possible life expectancy.
The holy grail is literally all around us: fruits, veggies, legumes, nuts, seeds.
This means that whatever low-carb-high-fat-protein-rich-shake-for-breakfast-calorie-counting plan you’ve been following may have helped you lose weight, fit into your skinny jeans, or defined your six pack, but it has NOT added years to your life. The hard truth is that many of the popular diets today are doing exactly the opposite and actually reversing your life expectancy! As I mentioned, Matt has lost SIXTY pounds eating a whole-foods centered diet, so, yeah, it can also help you reach any appearance-related goals you may have. But the primary goal for us embarking on this journey was not, and still is not weight loss, but to be around for our family for as long as possible.
It did not take much to get Matt onboard. As the primary cook in our household, I explained to him that I was going to start cooking and eating this way, and that he was free to modify the recipes or add meat if he so desired. At first, this is the approach he took. But I started casually mentioning some of the studies I was consuming. I had him watch “Gamechangers” with me (Netflix). And eventually, he picked up the audiobook of “How Not to Die” by Dr. Michael Greger, and that was it for him. He was as obsessed as I was. My meat-lovers-pizza husband was trying to convince ME to try his miso-mushroom-tofu-bok choy stir-fry that he now eats for lunch almost everyday.
This new knowledge has changed both of our lives.
We are not vegan, or even vegetarian. We still eat some dairy, occasional eggs, and meat every once in a great while (never at home). But we center our diets around eating fiber-rich foods from nature, full of nutrients. The non-visual effects have been outrageous. Our energy levels are through the roof. Our moods are more stable (we get along better!). Our immune systems are in hyper-drive. And, maybe most importantly, we LOVE eating this way. It is not a chore or a sacrifice. It did take time and effort to get to this point. It took research and open-mindedness. It took un-learning and re-learning. It took removing “morality” from food and replacing it with evidence.
But “once we knew it, we could not un-know it” (to quote our good friend, Thomas). Once we learned the harm that meat (particularly the meat produced in our current food system) was doing to our bodies, and simultaneously began to understand the natural healing properties of berries, spinach, turmeric, saffron, sweet potatoes, whole grains… there was no turning back. We could not feed our daughter certain foods on a regular basis after hearing the heartbreaking stories and mind-numbing statistics of childhood obesity, diabetes, and the scientifically proven causes of these diseases. We could not continue to engage in our current habits and accept the social norms around food and expect any different results than the diets and cleanses and “lifestyles” of our past. We had to focus on the inside, on the long-term, on our ultimate goals for our family. That is the only way to get this extremely sensitive and loaded topic “right.”
So yes, Matt looks phenomenal by all accounts (to me, he always has), but the real change is so much more than skin deep, and we are both struggling with how best to handle the comments without getting on a soapbox. Everyone has their own ideas about what is “healthy,” and their own story about their brother-in-law who lost 100 pounds by eating only chicken breast and raw egg yolks. But we are biting our tongues when our friends and family start sharing these stories. Let me risk repeating myself: weight loss itself is not an indicator of health!
We must stop assigning weight and appearance as the primary indicators of health. It is a much more complex equation than that.
There is so much more to say on this subject, and I am sure that I will. For now, I will just say that our entire family unit is happier and healthier because of these changes. I am so glad to have my partner on this journey with me (even if he makes our house smell like mushrooms all the time now – gag). I am excited to see what additional joys and discoveries our plant-based lifestyle has in store for us in the future.
If you are interested in doing your own research, or learning more about longevity and health, I recommend starting with any of the resources below. WARNING: you might get hooked like we have. I have dozens of others if you exhaust this list. I have also started writing down my own recipes when we discover new family favorites, since I have a tendency to “wing it” and then forget what I did. I am no professional chef, but I am happy to share with anyone interested in some quick and easy ideas!
Books/Cookbooks
How Not to Die – Dr. Michael Greger
How Not to Diet – Dr. Michael Greger
The Kripalu Kitchen
The Blue Zones
The Blue Zones Kitchen
The Obesity Code
Food Fix
Documentaries
Hungry for Change
Forks Over Knives
Gamechangers
Feel Rich
The C Word
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead
Plant-pure Nation
Sustainable
Food, Inc.
To your health,
CJK
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